My Story of why it hurts
Today I lost my mom. My mom and I shared a birth date. Those are the little things which will always remind me of her. When I heard that my mom had passed, I did not cry even if it hurt. I knew she had been suffering and in immeasurable pain, and I was even secretly asking God to either heal her if it was His will or take her to eternal peace.
Even if it hurt to even think of life without my mom, I had to let her go. I could not bear the suffering she was enduring with no solution in sight. My strong beautiful mom who did not let anything dampen her spirit had also given up.
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Accepting goodbyes when they are offered
She had already said her goodbyes, told me how much she loved and appreciated all I have done and was still doing for her. My beautiful and strong mom was now but skin and bones. But I admire her that even when it hurt, she was certain she will follow Jesus up to the end.
It hurts me to even think about her today. I kept myself busy with preparations today so I would not fall apart. Even if, it hurt so much to even think that I will not see her again until we meet in heaven.
I remember the last words she said to me. “Farewell my child, look after your siblings as well as my grandchildren.” I replied, “I will mamma” even when it hurt to listen to those goodbyes which had a finality to them. But I knew that if I did not give that promise to her she will linger on.
I remember when my daddy died 17 years ago, when mamma called me to come visit telling me that my daddy had something, he wanted to talk to me about. I delayed going home thinking that if I did my daddy will not pass, he will still wait for me. My mamma in her wisdom asked me what was better; to know what he wanted to say or to live the rest of my life wondering what if…….
This was the thought which made me make the promises and show my mamma that I understood and I am up to the task of being the family matriarch when she is gone, even if it hurt to bid her farewell.
How to cope with grief
We all grieve differently. Some find comfort and release in crying out loud. Some will not cry for a few days and then it comes and hit you like a ton of bricks. For me I find crying really releases all the tension and frees my soul. I find listening to christian music helps me a lot. It gives me comfort and hope. There are many things you can do to cope with bereavement and the most important thing it to remember that it is not a permanent thing, it will pass or get better with time.
What help is available
There are many resources out there you can use to help you cope with grief and bereavement. You can use online resources but check they are credible. There are also apps you can download and use especially for your well being. Even when you are grieving you still need to take care of yourself. It may be hard but with help you can do it.
It is important that even though you are grieving you open yourself to happiness again. I found some incredible resourse on how to be happy again
Sometime you might find it hard to cope on your own or make sense of your grief. There are different kinds of therapies you can access to help you understand how you are feeling and also help you come to terms with it and find a way to carry on. The Intenet make things so much easier because you can have therapy over Zoom or even over the phone. You do not need to always go and see someone physically to get help with grief. I found this website has a lot of helpful information about how to access grief counseling and support. Marie Currie has a booklet you can download for free which offers practical and emotional help through the difficult time.
Spiritual life coaching can also help you to process your grief
I believe it is important to know there is support when you are grieving. When I lost my dad I was so angry and I even stopped going to church. It took me a long time to come to terms with my grief. Seek help if you find it hard to cope on your own. This time I decided I am going to seek help. I have already downloaded the when someone dies booklet.